


In Which Craig Tucker has Operational Deadly Laser Eyes

by Temporarily



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mythology, Alternate Universe - Percy Jackson Fusion, Crack, Craig is a Demigod, Craig's Gang, Google is not a reliable source, He's less than impressed, Humor, I guess? Like barely., I'm so sorry if I fucked that up btw, Incan Mythology, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 19:15:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19362748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Temporarily/pseuds/Temporarily
Summary: All Craig Tucker wanted was to live a normal life where he hung out with his boyfriend, played with his guinea pig, and achieved some semblance of stability. He didn’t want anything to do with creepy clowns, orange presidents, supervillains, or ancient Incan deities.Unfortunately, the ancient Incan deities did not share this sentiment.





	In Which Craig Tucker has Operational Deadly Laser Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I had to. You're welcome.

All Craig Tucker wanted was to live a normal life where he hung out with his boyfriend, played with his guinea pig, and achieved some semblance of stability. He didn’t want anything to do with creepy clowns, orange presidents, supervillains, or ancient Incan deities. 

Unfortunately, the ancient Incan deities did not share this sentiment. 

What he wanted was to be able to skip out on a school field trip without getting caught and dragged onto the bus. To be able to go to a museum without any statues starting to glow or levitate, and to be able to run away like a rational person when some mythical monster attacked, instead of vanquishing it with his laser eyes.  _ To not have laser eyes. That would be great.  _

To not have the voice of some god or other invading his headspace while he was trying to eat lunch. That would be even better. 

_ I am Manco Capac, son of the sun god Inti and the first of your people.  _

“Go away.” 

_ I cannot. You are the chosen one.  _

“Don’t care.”  

_ You are my vessel, Craig Tucker. The time has come for me to once again descend to this mortal realm. Through you, we shall return to the motherland and save our people by completing the prophecy of old.  _

“You are plagiarizing every Percy Jackson book ever right now. Get a plot.”  

_ You have already had a taste of my power when you averted the  _ _ guineapigapocolypse _ _! With my golden staff and sacred pan flute channeling the power of the gods we shall be unstop—  _

“Dude, could you shut the fuck up? I’m trying to eat right now.” Token, Clyde, Jimmy and  Tweek  all looked at their friend having a conversation with the voice in his head with varying degrees of concern. 

“…Should we take him to Hell’s Pass?” Token suggested.  Tweek  shrieked and vigorously shook his head. 

“N-no way man, I’m sure he’ll snap out of it!!! I see and hear things my parents tell me aren’t there all the time!”  

“And then they give you more coffee?” the rich kid asked dubiously.  Tweek  nodded. It might be more accurate to say that he vibrated his head up and then down. 

“GAH—Y-yeah!”  

“Thought so,” Token muttered. He had his suspicions about what exactly was in  Tweek Bro.s  coffee. 

“W-w-well, regardless of w-whether he’s actually crazy or not, you have to agree, that laser eyes thing was  peh — Pe-pe,  peeeh . P-pretty cool,” Jimmy commented. Clyde nodded dutifully with a dreamy look on his face as if he was imagining himself in a situation where he could be half that awesome.  

“So, we’re not taking him to the hospital?” Token confirmed. Craig, blessed with a small moment of clarity in which Manco had evidently shut the fuck up, scowled. 

“Please don’t. Things will just get stupider if you try to make a big deal out of it. Trust me, the best way to handle this is to pretend that nothing weird is going on.” 

“Well, compared to what happened last week this isn’t weird at all,” Clyde chimed. Craig’s eyes glowed in a threatening manner, and the brunette hid behind Token with a sound similar to that of a squished mouse. 

And that is how South Park acquired its very own demigod, and, all in all, it amounted to just another Wednesday. Manco Capac was sorely disappointed. He had expected great celebrations upon his return. The least this town could do was put on a parade or throw a feast. As for Craig, his life stayed much the same. Weird shit happened, monsters invaded, catastrophes threatened the town, people he wasn't particularly attached to died, and everything was absurd. The only difference worth mentioning was his operational deadly laser eyes. Even he had to admit, that part was pretty cool.


End file.
